Every parent has stood in the doorway watching their child absorbed in a video game, the words forming on their lips before they can stop them: “That’s enough. Go outside. Do something productive.” Before you say it, consider what the research is increasingly showing: that the moments you spend gaming with your child may rank among the most valuable investments you can make in your relationship with them.
- The Numbers Show a Clear Trend
- What the Research Actually Shows About Co-Play
- Why Gaming Together Creates Memories That Last
- Digital Places and Intergenerational Connection
- Practical Guidance for Parents and Clinicians
- Distinguishing Healthy Gaming From Problematic Use
- Conclusion
- References and further reading
“My dad died when I was 10,” one participant in a 2020 study told researchers. “So playing Mario Kart with him is one of my best memories of him.” This kind of statement is not unusual in the research literature on gaming and nostalgia. When Wulf and colleagues asked people to recall their most meaningful gaming memories, they found that more than a quarter of those memories involved social connections — and nearly half of the social memories revolved around family. People did not simply remember the games. They remembered who was sitting next to them.
For clinicians and parents alike, this research represents a genuine shift in how we think about video games and child development. The evidence increasingly suggests that the quality of engagement — whether gaming is shared or solitary, whether it connects or isolates — matters far more than the quantity of screen time.
The Numbers Show a Clear Trend
In the United States, the Entertainment Software Association has tracked parent-child gaming patterns for years. In 2017, 67% of parents reported playing video games with their children. By 2023, that number had climbed to 76%. Three out of four American families now have at least some shared gaming time in their lives. This is not a marginal activity — it is a mainstream family practice that has grown steadily even as public concern about children’s screen time has intensified.
The rise is driven by multiple converging factors. Gaming hardware and software have become significantly more accessible to non-gamers, particularly through mobile devices that nearly every parent already carries. The games themselves have evolved to include far more cooperative and family-friendly experiences that lower the barrier to entry. A parent who would never pick up a complex shooter can still play Mario Kart, Minecraft, or Mario Party and be competitive within minutes.
What the Research Actually Shows About Co-Play
When researchers use the term “active parental mediation,” they are describing a specific behavior: a parent who sits down alongside their child and engages with the same digital world rather than merely monitoring from a distance. This is fundamentally different from passive mediation or restrictive mediation.
Several well-designed studies have found that active co-play is associated with more positive and effective family communication (Jiow et al., 2017; Wang et al., 2018). The mechanism is straightforward: when parents and children play together, conversations happen naturally. They talk about the game — its choices, challenges, characters, and narrative — and those conversations build the foundation for easier communication about other subjects.
A family that can talk comfortably about what just happened in a level of Super Mario is a family that has built the conversational muscle for harder discussions later — about school difficulties, friendship problems, or mental health concerns.
Clinical insight: Active co-play is correlated with more positive and effective family communication. The key word is active — sitting down and playing together is fundamentally different from standing in the doorway and setting a timer.
Why Gaming Together Creates Memories That Last
Psychologists who study nostalgia have identified three fundamental functions it serves (Sedikides et al., 2015). Nostalgia gives people a stronger sense of meaning in their lives. It reinforces their sense of identity, reminding them who they are and what they value. Most relevant for parent-child relationships, it makes them feel more connected to the people who matter.
Video games are uniquely suited to trigger nostalgia because they engage multiple sensory channels simultaneously with personal agency. Unlike watching a movie or listening to a song, playing a game allows someone to re-enter a past world and interact with it directly. Researchers have described games as “digital time machines” (Wulf et al., 2018; Robinson and Bowman, 2021).
Wulf and colleagues (2020) found that when participants recalled a nostalgic gaming experience, the memories often prominently featured time spent with family members. These memories were associated with measurable increases in optimism, self-esteem, and vitality. The effect was not primarily about the game itself but about the social context in which it was played.
Digital Places and Intergenerational Connection
People form genuine emotional attachments to digital locations — a concept that human geographers call “sense of place” (Tuan, 1975; Relph, 1976). Just as an adult might feel nostalgia for their childhood home, gamers develop lasting attachments to the virtual spaces where they spent formative hours.
One study found that after two months of playing Fallout 76, players with no personal connection to West Virginia began to develop a sense of place for it comparable to people who actually lived there (Bowman et al., 2020). Now imagine that sense of place becoming something shared across generations — a parent teaching a child to navigate the same digital world they explored decades earlier.
“The games of yesterday serve as wellsprings of nostalgic reverie today — and the games of today have the potential to serve as nostalgic referents for tomorrow.” — Bowman, Wulf, King & Hodge (2024)
Practical Guidance for Parents and Clinicians
| Situation | Evidence-informed approach |
|---|---|
| Your child wants to show you their game | Say yes. Let them be the expert. The power dynamic shifts in a healthy way when a child teaches a parent. |
| You have never held a controller | Start with simple cooperative games: Mario Kart, Minecraft, It Takes Two. The goal is presence, not skill. |
| Your child resists playing with you | Do not force it. Express genuine curiosity. Watching respectfully is the first step to being invited in. |
| You are concerned about specific content | Check age ratings, then play the game yourself before making judgments. |
| Your child only plays competitive games | Competitive play can still build connection. Focus on shared experience rather than who wins. |
Distinguishing Healthy Gaming From Problematic Use
Clinical Indicators That Gaming May Be Problematic
- Gaming has become the only activity the child looks forward to or will voluntarily engage in
- Sleep, meals, schoolwork, or basic hygiene are regularly sacrificed for game time
- The child shows genuine distress when asked to stop playing
- Real-world friendships and previously valued hobbies have been completely abandoned
- The child becomes aggressive or dysregulated when games are unavailable
When these indicators are present, the appropriate response is not to ban gaming outright but to understand what the games are providing that the child’s offline life is not.
Conclusion
For two decades, parents have been told that screens are the enemy. The emerging research does not dismiss concerns about screen time, but it adds essential nuance. Co-playing with children — actively engaging alongside them — is associated with better communication, stronger relationships, and memories that families carry for generations. The question is not whether children should play video games, but whether parents will pick up a controller and join them.
References and further reading
- Martin, A., Volkmar, F. R., & Bloch, M. (Eds.). (2017). Lewis’s Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (5th ed.). Amazon
- American Psychiatric Association. (2022). DSM-5-TR.
- Thapar, A., et al. (Eds.). (2015). Rutter’s Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (6th ed.).
- AACAP: aacap.org
- AAP: aap.org
